this is how you lose her
by wistfulwhispers
Summary: and that's when you know it's over. as soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it's the end. for most people, at least.


**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Naruto.

**A/N: **Yet another one-shot. Naruto is ending in five weeks which basically means I will be holding my breath until the very last chapter. I can feel canon Sasusaku in the air... Anyway, this one was inspired by Junot Diaz's "This is How You Lose Her" and I actually wanted to make it a bit angsty, but I can't write anything where Sauce and Sak don't end up together! So enjoy this Sasuke-centric piece!

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**this is how you lose her**

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_You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her._

He doesn't do it on purpose.

In fact, he actually hates himself for it. He hates how he grew up without knowing how to be playful and light because in his household, everything was get better, get better, get better. There was barely any time to breathe. He hates how he married a girl for his own selfish reasons and how she willingly agreed because she loves him that much. He hates how he cannot show her how much she means to him.

He often forgets their anniversary and he even missed her birthday a handful of times. He sees the look in her eyes and he knows that she thinks it's simply because he doesn't care. Naruto teases him on occasion and tells him how she deserves a better husband and he silently agrees.

The disappointed look is gone the next morning and she greets him with breakfast and a kiss on the cheek before she leaves for her daily shift at the hospital. He rarely eats because his stomach is already full with guilt.

_You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel replaceable._

They're at a party and she's chatting animatedly to her best friend from across the room while he watches her. She's so bright, so warm, and he can give her nothing but indifference. Naruto comes over to him with a drink in his hand and a lopsided smirk on his face.

"What?" He scoffs.

"I just proposed to Hinata." Naruto says and the smirk turns into a full grin. "She said yes."

"Tch. Why would she marry you?"

"Because I've been told I'm quite attractive."

Naruto wiggles his eyebrows suggestively before he suddenly clears his throat and turns completely serious. His tone has such a strong, unmistakeable double-meaning in it that it almost makes Sasuke cringe. Almost.

"Because I tell her she's beautiful. Because I hold her at night. Because I love her."

_When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay._

He has left her many times.

Some ways were different than the others. He left her every time he turned her company down, every time he spoke harshly to her, every time he walked away. She was losing bits and pieces of him every time those things happened, until one night, she lost him completely.

She hasn't been the same since.

_When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good._

The first time they meet after months in Iron Country, Sasuke and Sakura tried to kill each other.

He met her with a chidori raised to her back and she met him with a lethal kunai at his.

Even when she almost had him, she hesitated, and he scoffed at her in that moment of weakness. He looked down at her every time she couldn't come up to par. He made her feel small. She nearly killed herself in trying to grow stronger for herself, but mainly to prove to him that she wasn't weak. But nothing ever seemed to be enough.

Ever since the incident in the Forest of Death, Sasuke hardly viewed her as weak. But of course, he was never able to take three seconds to tell her how strong, how extraordinary, how enough she is. She had protected him with her life and that was something he could never repay her.

Though he would try.

_You must learn her. You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to._

Sasuke has known Sakura for the majority of his life.

She has been a constant when things were in disarray and when he married her, he was comforted by the security she brought with her. He never ceases to be amazed by the strength and unwavering sureness of her love for him, even when he didn't deserve it. Slowly, he had taken it upon himself to learn her. He taught himself the reasons for her silence, although he could never figure out how to break it. He observed her when she was passionately angry. She failed to see his recognition of the way her eyes lit up with fury and how her face froze over with icy indifference after she had said her piece. He memorized her limits and when she was about to succumb to them, he firmly reminded her in a quiet voice that she could do anything simply because she was Sakura. It wasn't often when he did this, but she clutched onto his fleeting words as if they were her saving grace. Every time, she steeled her resolve and began once more.

_You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept._

He has heard the stories.

When he was away, she had explored her other options. Well, she had attempted to. The ANBU members talked openly about her when they thought he couldn't hear them and the jounin had plenty to say about the girl they tried to love.

"Her temper is quicker than the Fifth's."

"She expected me to be so perfect, like she was comparing me to someone. I don't know who it was, but I couldn't take it anymore."

"She's difficult."

He has experienced her at her best and at her worst. She is one of the most complex people he has ever come to know. He used to be able to read her like an open book but she had changed. He had learned how to roll with the punches over the course of his maturing, and so he adjusted. He would change for her time after time if she asked him to. But she never asked him to do anything, not even say those three words to her.

He knows she has been waiting years to hear them.

_And, this is how you keep her._

She is home.

He can feel her chakra signature flickering in the bedroom as he shuts the door quietly upon his return from a hard mission. Bruised, slightly bloody, but otherwise okay, he took off his ANBU gear and left them by the door. He was exhausted.

Heading straight for the bedroom, he blended with the shadows and crossed the floor quickly. He found her sleeping on her left side looking utterly at peace. The way the corners of her eyes rested so calmly and how her lips parted slightly elicited an emotion in him that he had tried to suppress all these years.

This was his wife. This was the woman who had sacrificed so much for him.

He leaned over and kissed her hair gently before dropping his lips to her ear and ever so slightly, like smoke in the air, he spoke.

"I love you."

He settled in, drawing her into his arms and fell asleep almost immediately, missing the way her mouth curved up ever so slightly. Normal people would never have lasted as long as they have, but they were not normal people. They were Sasuke and Sakura and their love story was tragic, heaving, and painful. But it was full of love. It always will be.


End file.
